The other morning, my son came downstairs to announce that my youngest daughter was in my oldest daughter's bedroom, even though she was getting dressed. We emphasize privacy and boundaries, so I'm sure in his head, he was trying to be responsible. However, my immediate question back to him was - how did he know this information? Because his instructions were to go to his room, and get himself dressed. He scowled, and stomped off, forlorn that his tattle-taling didn't get the results he was hoping for.
What does this have to do with the COVID vaccine?
Well, when this happened, it made me think about what a delicate balance it is to teach a child the importance of being responsible and caring towards others, and yet also knowing when to mind your own business. And the reality was that, knowing my son, in that moment, he had a probably 60% - 40% mix.....60% wanting get his sisters in trouble, 40% actually concerned about boundaries and privacy. I did thank him for being a responsible informant, and went to intervene with the girls, but also ultimately reprimanded him for sticking his nose where it doesn't belong.
The day prior, we had gone for a neighborhood walk as a family, and ran into some neighbors who we've met through our local church. We were having a wonderful conversation, about work and retirement, about plants and gardening, about kids growing up too fast, about heating with wood. Everything was lovely, until the neighbor asked "Did you get the vaccine?"
It became clear that we were on two completely different pages in regards to this hot topic. It also became clear that we were both very deeply entrenched in our positions, having poured over seemingly the same research and studies and yet arriving at different conclusions. But the exchange kept going. Finally, the other husband excused himself to his yard work, and my husband excused himself to tend to minor scrape one of the kids had acquired while we had our amicable but definitely contentious debate. The wife and I, left to ourselves now, commiserated about how divided the world has become, and we ended up agreeing about how important it is to focus only on God, to take time to pray and discern what is right for your family, and let that be that.
And so, I have no intention of taking a side here on this blog one way or another. We have friends and loved ones on both sides of the big debate, and we love them no less or no more based on their decision. But I have realized that, though we can all be prideful in our strong opinions, everyone is really acting out of fear. On the one side, it is a fear of severe illness and a concern of infecting a vulnerable loved one. On the other side, it is a fear of the unknown long-term side effects, and mistrust of Big Pharma. I'm not a judge, but from my point of view, both concerns are valid. So watching this debate become one that only increases division in our country and our world is completely heartbreaking.
Everyone - admittedly, myself included - seems to be driven to convince the other side of their opinion. One side wants to convince everyone they know to get the vaccine because they don't want to see their loved ones get sick from COVID. And ironically, one side wants to convince everyone NOT to get the vaccine because they don't want to see their loved ones get sick from side effects. Ultimately, we are all convinced of our positions because of a fear of suffering, and a desire to take control of our fear. We don't want to suffer ourselves, and even more so, we can't bear to see our loved ones suffer, especially if it can be avoided. And if we have come to a certain conclusion about how to take control of our fear, anyone who disagrees with us poses a challenge or threat to our perceived control.
All I wanted to put out there is - stop asking, stop answering. Do not engage people today, tomorrow, or preferably ever again, with the question "Did you get the vaccine?" I am completely baffled at how many times we are asked this question, sometimes by perfect strangers. We are so guarded about our medical history, with federal protections galore from health information being shared with anyone other than ourselves, and yet here we are walking around discussing this vaccine with virtually anyone and everyone. But these conversations end up like the one with my neighbors - walking way with no one "winning," but instead a little wedge being driven between us and someone we love. Either the person agrees, and together we criticize the other side - either generally or specifically, naming friends and relatives who just don't see things our way. Or we disagree, and we end up leaving the conversation, adding a little mental demerit to that person's file in our brains, causing a slight fissure in our relationship. So my husband and I have decided that, if anyone asks us again, we will simply reply with our own question..."Why do you ask?" Because ultimately, the answer will boil down to two things - love for fellow man, and fear of suffering. And that is something we all have in common. So no matter what their answer, perhaps it will allow us to engage in a conversation about the real vulnerability that comes with loving others, and how absolutely scary the world is right now, no matter what side of the aisle you are on. And perhaps we can walk away having avoided making the divide even wider. Lastly, may we take a few moments of quiet as often as possible to truly discern what it is God is calling us to. Because the fact is that we are all from different walks of life, with all different ages, health concerns, family circumstances, professions, philosophies, and histories of trauma and pain. We are all charged with making the decisions that are best for ourselves and those in our care. Beyond that, it's really not our business nor our responsibility to project that which is best for us onto someone else's discernment. And above all, we must not be afraid. After all, we are reassured (365 times) in scripture - be not afraid. May we rest in that, and leave all else to God, because only He is in control. And may we all, like my son, learn to find happiness in keeping to our own business. May we follow the instructions that we've been given, rather than meddling outside of them, only to walk away fearful, forlorn, bitter, or dejected.