In my days of secular atheism and workaholism, I worked at a job that required summer work days of 15-18 hours a day, 6 days a week. I lived onsite with a few other full time employees, running retreats and maintaining the grounds in the off-season. In the summer, we ran an overnight summer camp, so we were on. All. The. Time.
My boss' wife was and still is one of the smartest women I know. Not only book knowledge, but life knowledge. But in those days, in my 20s and serving the gods of the world, she baffled me completely. I'm not sure precisely the combination of her education, but it involves a Master's Degree and Biology. Explaining the transcription and translation processes of DNA is child's play to her. She also has a heart for volunteering and community involvement, and would always be attending or organizing one function or another to better the community and the greater world. She never settles for mediocre, bare minimum, or just enough to get by. And yet, in the period when I worked at the camp, she stayed home and raised her children. I vividly remember standing next to my old, beat up Chrysler Sebring with her, just chatting as we worked on some manual labor project that needed to get done for the property. And as we talked about the world and feminism and teaching and science, I challenged her with my genuine confusion. How could she waste her knowledge and experience? How could she give up all of the brains, all of the talent, all of the education, all of the skill as a classroom teacher? Why, on earth, would she stay home as a housewife and mother when she was obviously not only capable but seemingly built to lead, teach, create, and change the world?
She tried to explain to me that, once you have kids, it's an easy sacrifice to make. She acknowledged that it was a sacrifice, but said it was not a difficult decision, and that she trusted that were she meant to return to a life of impacting people outside of her husband and children, that day would come. Only now, as a 30-something mother of three small children, am I beginning to understand it. And recently, the understanding profoundly hit me while listening to a great talk from Venerable Fulton Sheen (found here) called "Wasting Your Life." He cited two great stories from scripture when goodness was seemingly wasted. First, in 2 Samuel 23, we find David in his final days, in a cave, with the encampment of the great Philistine enemies nearby. He speaks aloud how he longs for a drink from the cistern by the gates of his hometown, Bethlehem. The three Israelite chiefs with him hear this, and decide to embark on fetching the great king this drink he longs for. To do so, they have to risk their lives, passing through the enemy encampment twice, once on the way there, and once on the return. The three make it successfully, and when they give David the water, he proclaims that he is far too unworthy to drink that which they risked their lives for. He proceeds to pour it out on the ground, offering it to God.
In the New Testament (John 12, Luke 87, Matthew 26, Mark 14) Mary Magdalene takes out a bottle filled with sweet and very expensive perfume. She then proceeds to pour the entirety of its contents onto the feet of Jesus, and wipe clean his feat with her hair. Like me, challenging my boss's wife on her waste, Judas Iscariat takes notice of what a waste it is to pour it out rather than sell it and use the money to give to charity. Jesus offers little sensible explanation in the moment, saying "Leave her alone...The perfume was meant for the day I am buried. You will always have the poor among you. But you won’t always have me.” (John 12:7-8) Isn't that rather wasteful? Arrogant? Self-serving?
In reality, my boss's wife, and King David, and Mary Magdalene are all pointing to something very important, and very easy to forget in the modern era. I, myself, really struggle with this at times. I have a background in sociological research, as well as mathematics. I'm a certified secondary education teacher. I have played classical piano since I was five, and have even served as music minister. I am a capable artist and photographer, writer and singer. I'm handy and crafty, capable of building things, fixing things, creating things. I've tutored students from 7th grade all the way to college level mathematics and physics. And yet, here I am, staying home with my children. Before returning to faith and embracing the motherhood that blessed me with, the world was my oyster. I was on track to be directing a non-profit by the time I was 35. Now, I am directing toddlers in a small, ever-crumbling, perpetually messy, century-old farm house. I am certain I have family members who feel I am wasting my talents, my smarts, my skills.
However, the reality is that when David poured out the water that came at such a sacrifice....when Mary poured out the perfume on the feet of Jesus....that action, in its shocking and utterly wasteful nature, calls the whole of humanity to pay attention to what it is being wasted for.
For David, his waste of the water was an act of self-denial, for he was very thirsty. In his dying days, it would have brought him the comfort of memories from his home, which he could no longer return to. He was willing to deny himself the things that he longed desperately for, so that he could point to the importance, significance, and value of the greater self-sacrifice of the chiefs.
For Mary, pouring perfumed oil on Jesus marks a sign of imminent death for Jesus. But one does not need to pour the whole bottle out to anoint someone for burial. Wasting her expensive and precious perfume on the dirty, likely excrement-covered feet of Jesus was a way of expressing her gratitude and adoration for the Messiah. Normally, anointing would be done on the head, but by approaching only the feet of Jesus, Mary debases herself to show her humility and unworthiness in His presence. Wiping His feet with her hair showed her willingness to take onto herself whatever worldly burden she needs to in order to be His disciple. And, if tradition is accurate regarding her previous life of sin and harlotry, perhaps emptying her perfume - a tool of her former trade - symbolized her leaving her life of sin at the feet of her Savior.
It is the waste, itself, that causes one to pause and consider, why would someone waste something so valuable? My children are worth the "waste" of my blessings and talents. It is worth sacrificing all that God has given me - sacrificing the pursuit for my own pride, fulfillment, promotions and accolades - to be able to pour it all out onto the feet of my children. As David poured the water onto the ground, I pour myself into the soil of my children's future. Most nights I feel weak, incapable, unworthy, and failing in the marriage and family life. I would feel better about myself if I was able to see more immediately the fruits of my labor and the impact I am making on the world. I can easily become tempted, distracted and even distressed, feeling as though I should be helping tutor here, or sing there, earn money here or gain more education there. But that is the sacrifice. The truth is, by wasting it all right now, and pouring myself seemingly into the daily nothingness of homemaking and motherhood, I am actually pouring myself into the most holy, beautiful, miraculous vessels ever made....the precious, unique, invaluable souls of my children. May we all learn to waste a little bit of the worldly gifts we have, be them time, treasure or talent, on something or someone deemed worthless and trivial in the eyes of the world.