In my staunch, feminist, fight-the-patriarchy days, I had consciously made the decision to wear only pants. I found short skirts to be objectifying, and long, traditional skirts to be archaic and rooted in male chauvinistic oppression. I had worn some skirts in middle school while still active in my church, but by the time I hit college (and, consequently, atheism), I had rid myself of virtually every one of them in a conscious effort to prove that I was just as capable, just as tough, just as business-savvy as any man. I was a twenty-first century woman. I was not chained by the shackles of the norms and expectations of generations gone by. Skirts? Dresses? No way.
Even when working, whether it was in the non-profit sector or teaching in the classroom, I wore dress slacks. Comfortable ones, but still, slacks. When I wasn't working, I wore what I had deemed comfortable jeans. So when I felt called to ditch the dungarees, you can imagine my incredulity and internal resistance. However, though a recently convert, by the time I experienced this inner prompting, I had gained enough experience to know that one does not argue with the Holy Spirit.
It was not an overnight change - I did have a few skirts that I'd wear to Mass, so I began wearing them outside of church. Then I went to the local thrift shop and picked up some more longer skirts - some that were more casual and versatile in pattern and material. There were hand-me-downs and unbeatable sales. A skirt here, a dress there. Over the course of two years, I have developed a wardrobe that consists only of skirts and dresses, and a good number of leggings to wear underneath the skirts (especially on the cold New England winter days). I now have only one pair of jeans, which I will keep for the days I am working a project out in the yard, when a skirt is just cumbersome and impractical.
And through this all, I feel compelled to share what I've come to learn. Skirts are not oppressive, they are modest and liberating. They are not archaic or primitive, they are deeply rooted in wisdom and the experience of thousands of years, and millions of women and mothers.
For Liberation
I truly believed that I was liberated from oppression by throwing on a comfortable pair of jeans with a hooded sweatshirt. It was the epitome of comfort, right? Well that was true until I tried on maternity jeans. Now THAT was the epitome of comfort, right? I remember questioning, why don't all women wear maternity jeans? Why do we subject ourselves to the restriction and rigidity of buttons and zippers? Well then I began wearing skirts, specifically long and flowy types with comfortable, stretchy waste bands. Admittedly, I did not exactly feel liberated when I first began regularly wearing skirts, but I was comfortable and I did feel feminine. However now when putting on on my pair of formerly-comfy jeans, I feel very restricted in them, and I feel very self-conscious. Now, when I wear pants, I feel very aware of my body, my thighs and my backside specifically. A majority of modern women's pants, even the most comfortable jeans, are very form-fitting. I didn't realize how much jeans revealed my body, whether it be to the world or to my own, internal self who struggles with weight and positive self-image. I have realized that, when I am wearing skirts and dresses, I am far less concerned or even aware of my body and my anxieties over its flaws and flabbiness. Pull on a pair of jeans? I am spending that day in a very self-conscious space. In short, skirts have liberated me from concerns about who is staring at my behind when I bend down to pick up the toy my toddler threw. I am freed from my own internal struggles with body image and from being objectified externally.
For Utility
I've discovered that skirts are actually extremely functional in child-rearing and homemaking. When I need to change a diaper, I can sit on the floor with my legs slightly apart in a V shape. The long skirt spreads out and creates a changing pad when I don't have one (or am too lazy to go to the car to get one). When a toddler needs to pee on the side of the road or at a busy playground, I can stand behind them and hold up my skirt as a privacy screen for my little one. When I, myself, need to use the restroom out in public, and need to take my very young children in with me, I am able to drape my skirt over my body, keeping myself covered in privacy. When I am cooking and a knock over a boiling pot of water onto myself, the skirt takes the brunt of the heat, and my legs remain unscathed. When a baby or toddler is sitting on my lap for a meal, the food the drop gets caught in the lap of my skirt, and does not drop to the floor. Less sweeping! I can use my skirt to help my children dry their hands when a public restroom is out of paper towels or when the hand dryer is too loud for their little ears. I can use my skirt to wipe their face after a picnic lunch or dry tears from their eyes after a fall at the playground. Quite honestly, at this point, I don't know how mothers function without a skirt.
For Modesty
Not to be repetitive, but I used to find the word "modesty" also archaic and steeped in manly chauvinism. Why should I (woman) have to cover my body, why don't you (man) show some self-restraint? However, I've come to realize that, scripturally, God didn't stop creating until woman was made. Woman is, indeed, the pinnacle of His creation. Women are, objectively, more beautiful. We have curves and features that are just aesthetically more lovely, more attractive, more interesting. At a minimum, we are just not as hairy, and that has to be a one-up. And so choosing to keep ourselves covered is not a bow to domination, it is an acknowledgement and respect for the fact that we possess a beauty that can be so powerful, that it can distract and entice our male counterparts. We possess a value so important, we want to hide it. Where do the wealthy keep their most precious riches? Out in plain sight? No, they go out of their way to store them in locked safes, or even safe deposit boxes at the bank where they are constantly under supervision. I would liken dressing provocatively to a man who flaunts his strength and masculinity, that classic "toxic masculinity" type who feels they need to prove to the world just how much of a man they are. It is far more attractive, admirable, and virtuous for a man to be strong and yet exercise self-restraint. I find it the same with women, that our beauty is our strength, and we would do well to learn self-awareness and restraint. And telling men to have self control as we parade our bodies around is, to me, equivalent to someone spreading out an ice cream sundae buffet on my kitchen counter, and telling me to simply exercise temperance. Ain't. Gonna. Happen.
As Combat
Today, we are bombarded with messages about gender identity. We are told in school that women are "the same" as men, and we are pushed to strive for just as much careerism as men attain. We are encouraged to exercise our assertiveness to achieve greatness in the academic and professional world. In short, be like men. Break the glass ceiling. At the same time, we are inundated with images of supposed feminine perfection with women in bikinis on every magazine at the grocery check out. We are also inundated with messages from the mainstream portraying men who have transitioned to women, nearly always being shown in heels, pantyhose, form-fitting miniskirts and excessive make-up. We are so confused, as a society, as to what it means to be woman. Is a liberated woman one who wears pants in a board meeting? Or is it flaunting heels and eyeliner and a miniskirt that will help us realize womanhood? While society fights over this, we can fight back against the confusing and contradicting narratives by choosing a wardrobe that screams to the world "I am woman" without trying to fit into one of the boxes that have been contrived by a culture that seems to objectify women more than ever, be it for productivity or pleasure.
All of this being said, I understand that many women who grew up in the 40s, 50s, and 60s experienced a life that involved trying to keep up appearances. My mom is not one to wear skirts, I believe because she grew up in a time when all girls HAD to wear skirts or dresses. All the time. Non-negotiable. It was a time when many women didn't have the luxury of choosing a career, because women were largely expected to be homemakers. And those women who did have to work, like my grandmother, did so in order to put food on the table. So the nice dress and Mary Jane shoes that were purchased only once a year were seen with great value to the adults, even if the girls hated them. Talk about a guilt trip. I can understand if, putting on a skirt for this older generation, brings back a lot of negative childhood family memories. I don't write this blog to condemn women who don't wear skirts. I don't view it as a sin to wear pants or any nonsense like that. In fact I am very alone in my skirt-wearing amongst my group of friends, even devout Catholic women. I just wanted to write something that might encourage someone who is also having some inner promptings about dressing a bit more traditionally....and I wanted to possibly help shift the perspective in regards to traditionalism. We live in a time when women have overcome many hurdles of limits, oppression, and expectations. But we cannot throw the baby out with the bath water. With this freedom and perspective we have gained, I wanted to perhaps call to mind that modernity isn't necessarily more wise than the generations gone by...in fact, I'd argue that it would be both arrogant and dangerously foolish to look history in the eyes, and tell it that we know better.